A few days ago, I met with a girlfriend who’s currently single and she told me she was officially done with dating apps. When I asked why, since she has been actively looking for a partner, she said: “There are too many weirdos online now! It’s too much!”
When it comes to wellness, love, and romance are essential for a happy and meaningful life (whether it’s loving ourselves or someone special). Finding love is something that has been going on for millennia and as the years went by, it’s gotten more advanced. What the world of online dating has become and why today’s singles are having a hard time looking for romance.
Online dating started back in 1995 with the famous Match.com which revolutionized dating by expanding the search for love on a global scale. Now instead of Match, there are places like Bumble, Tinder, and Grindr where people can meet. With a variety of dating apps, it seems like finding the perfect soulmate or life partner should now be easy.
So why isn’t it for today’s singles to find love?
While dating apps may have revolutionized the art of dating, they also took away some very important stepping stones when it comes to making connections in finding the right person for you.
The Loss of First Impressions
Everyone knows that first impressions matter. When you go on a date IRL, you dress up, meet the person for lunch or dinner, and see where it goes. You give the person a chance to show you who they are. In the online dating world, your first impressions are about your profile.
From the quality of the image to misspelled words or even grammatical errors, the online profile’s first impression has given people a checklist to look out for before they are even remotely interested in meeting you in person. And while this may seem like a precursor of what to expect when you meet the person, the dating profile can be compared with someone’s Instagram feed: all fluff and no realness.
There is also the possibility of getting cat-fished and being sunk into a relationship with someone online who might not even exist.
Saturated with Hook-Ups
Another culprit of online dating is the groups of people using the apps who are just searching for a booty call. While the apps were created to find true love, the majority of them converted into hookups which makes it harder for singles who want a relationship. The reality is hookups and one-night stands are a part of the dating experience. And while the app can be used as a buffer for people who want to find a partner, it can also put a damper on the dating experience as a whole.
Before I became married with a family, I had my fair share of online dating. I remember receiving direct messages from men asking me to be their sugar baby or asking point blank if I put out on the first date. Not only was this very off-putting but it completely put a damper on the whole online dating experience.
Increased Stress of Dating
While dating apps were a way to make the dating experience fun and exciting, research shows the results are the exact opposite. A study done at Western Sydney University found that dating apps can lead to increased feelings of stress, anxiety, and depression. The overflow of options and constant screening methods before meeting someone in person may give people a sense of control.
You may find someone who goes checks out everything on your list of the perfect partner. But regardless of how well someone tries to analyze a potential date before the actual date, you will never know if it’s a good fit until you meet the person face to face.
Conclusion
Although dating apps do have their perks, there is nothing that can replace the power of meeting someone in person. Human connections are the foundation of living life to the fullest and meeting someone for the first time in person lets you see the person for who they are. The first time I met my husband was through a mutual friend, not a dating app. And to be honest, I didn’t think that we would be together.
Compared to the previous men I have dated before, he did not fit into any category or any checklist that I had at the time. But it didn’t matter because once I got to know him, I started falling in love with him. Ten years later, we’re married raising a tiny human together.
If you find value in the apps and think they are awesome, rock on! Make sure that you also gain some perspective by walking away from the apps and socializing with the people around you. You might be surprised who you might meet when you look up from the screen and gaze into the real world.
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Til next time,
Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash