Did you ever want to make friends but feel socially awkward? That’s me all the way. Whenever I see those social media posts about plans getting canceled and the person receiving the message has an overwhelming sense of joy, I get it.
I never really knew how to make friends growing up. My parents, being the hard-working immigrants they are, placed house rules on my siblings and me to make sure we stayed focused on our studies. One of them was no TV during the week, only on weekends. So you can imagine me going to school with kids talking about the latest TV show or music videos, and me not having a clue.
Instead, I focused on music and books which wasn’t as cool so I was automatically labeled a nerd. The truth is the, older I became, the more I realized why I was so awkward. I never really knew how to be around groups of people because, in reality, I hated being around people. I hate being around crowds for long periods, even with members of my own family.
I remember how my father would tell me to come out of my room and socialize more, but I wasn’t interested. Instead, I would rather spend time in my room creating my world. And I’ll never forget the one time I was invited to a club for a friend’s birthday, which consisted of mind-numbing bass music and a fight breaking out in the girl’s bathroom while waiting in line to pee. I told my friend I had to leave for an emergency, went home to pee, and never returned. I wasn’t invited to parties after that.
Since then, no one ever invited me out to events or outings which in all honesty, I was okay with. Especially since I realized I was an introvert. But the moment I became a mother, this solitude philosophy was flipped upside down.
Being a mother made me realize just how important having a community is, especially for first-time mothers.
When they said it takes a village to raise a child, it turned out, they were right. In various cultures both past and present, children were taken care of by groups of people, each one giving their unique act of love and devotion. The caring and raising of the children has always been a group effort and was never meant for one person.
Nowadays, mothers are expected to do everything with little to no help and little to no resources. It’s for this reason that mothers in America are in a mental health crisis (among other things). There is no way I can do mothering without a group of people helping me. That includes friends, family, doctors, therapists, and other moms I grew to know along the way.
To the mothers who can do it all, bravo. But me? I have no qualms in admitting that teamwork makes the dream work. But as an introvert who loves to stay home, rest, and relax, it’s also important for me to maintain the friendships I cultivated. To make time for the women who have held me at my lowest and guided me to my full potential. The women who helped me redefine the essence of motherhood for myself and my family. I owe it to them to make time.
So from one introvert to another, here are some suggestions on how to maintain your relationships without compromising your introverted persona:
FaceTime/Video Chat is your friend
I have family that live in different states so video chats have always been a great thing to have. However, I also have family living 40 minutes away, and depending on the travel, I don’t have the bandwidth to sit in traffic and deal with that so instead we just video chat.
It’s still a great way to connect with the people you love without the guilt of compromising your space, especially if you are a mom and don’t have time for a girl’s night. Facetime has helped me tremendously and if you don’t want anyone to see your face, a good old phone conversation does the same. No texting. Texting has no emotion.
Small group meetings
If and when you do want to go out and be with your friends, choose a small setting. Sometimes I have family and friends come over to my home, or I visit their home. And if our homes are a mess from motherhood, a restaurant with a small group of people does the trick. No clubs, no bar hopping, no interacting with strangers, just some wine and a nice small table with your core group of besties will do the trick.
Letter Writing
Old ways of communication like letter writing can be a great way to stay connected to friends as an introvert. I have a friend who lives in Rhode Island. We met in high school and have seen each other through so many transitions. We would explore the city together, we dated stupid boys and complained about them, we went to prom together, we became mothers, and we still speak to one another to this day.
We talk to one another through social media, text, and the occasional phone call, but we also send one another letters and cards. Each one details wonderful messages of hope and love. It’s a friendship that I deeply cherish and know that it’s because of our way of staying connected even with the distance and life being the way it is.
There are so many ways to stay connected with the people you love without being uncomfortable. Once you find the way that you and your friends enjoy, you can cultivate amazing and lasting friendships.
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Til next time,
Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash