You ever had a day where you felt in your bones that something is missing?

You try to find out what it is but you can’t really put your finger on it. So you go out and try new things, buy new clothes, eat new foods, anything to fill in this missing feeling. But once the high of the newness is gone, the feeling comes back. I’ve felt this way for years and would always over-analyze it.

I kept thinking “Maybe I need to do something crazy. Or maybe I just need to quit my job and go off into the country. But there has to be something!” I’d drive myself mad trying to figure it out and I realized I wasn’t the only one. There were other people who felt the exact same way as I did. Were we defective humans?

Then one day, after reading countless books and meditation…it just hit me.

We all have one deep desire: To be happy.

Regardless of what we aspire to become, the end result is to be happy. It’s the driving force that makes us want to do better and be better. We want to be in a state of joy. We want to wake up with a smile on our face and be happy because it’s the most wonderful feeling in the world.

If we were to think back to a memory that made us feel happy, we can’t help but smile. Why wouldn’t we want to feel that way all the time? Being happy with ourselves and with our lives truly is the ultimate goal. But before we can start frolicking in a field of flowers, we have to ask ourselves:

What does it actually mean to be happy?

For years I was taught that happiness was something that you get. Without question, I was conditioned to see that happiness comes from external validation. Once we reach success on an external level, then we’re happy. And it dawned on me that I wasn’t the only one who viewed happiness this way.

We define happiness with BUYING things.

For some women I know, happiness is their outer appearance. So we spend money on hair, makeup, skincare, fashion, you name it. Same can be said for men when they purchase a new car. We’re taught to spend money because when we buy this certain item only then will we be happy.

But you’ll notice that once we have that thing, in time the happiness fades. Why? Because we want more. What we once thought would finally make us happy doesn’t cut it anymore. So we continue to search for more. We seek another external thing and then another and another.

Until one day you finally reach a point where the search for happiness becomes depressing. Which is when the mind and body finally opens you up to understand what it means to live a life of happiness. Here’s what it actually means to live a happy life:

Happiness is internal.

Gautama Buddha, a philosopher who was famous for spreading awareness of mind and spirit connection, said “There is no path to happiness. Happiness is the path.”

Finding happiness is not a destination. True happiness cannot be bought or purchase because it’s what lies within us. Often times we think happiness is something we have to become, but it’s something that already existing within ourselves.

When we put our happiness on external things, we’re giving up our control to be happy. When we try to fit into groups and crowds for external validation, we’re giving up our control to be happy. There’s not a single person or item that has power over your happiness. The power literally lies within you. If you’re not showing up as your true self or living in a way that feels right to you, that’s when your happiness suffers.

What does happiness look like to you?

In a recent article, we find that there are many keys and steps towards finding true happiness. One of them is Acceptance. Accepting the present moment of where you are currently. Not where you want to be or what you think you might need in order to be happy, but accept where you are right here and now. By accepting your current state, “you instantly access a sense of inner peace, while freeing up your energy to make changes within your circle of control to create different outcomes in the future.”

For those who are suffering hardships such as loss, debt, and poverty, it can be hard to accept your current circumstances. But it’s only in understanding the here and now is how we can make the changes we desire. Does it justify what wrongs have been done to you? Absolutely not. But it does reframe your mind from being a victim of your circumstance to someone who has the ability to change the direction of their life one step at a time

Find your definition of happiness.

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Until then homies,

kim delarosa

Photo by Josh Felise on Unsplash

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